When you love someone, it’s not supposed to hurt… Not like this.
I never knew… Oh Mae, I never knew… Every day, I think I love her as much, as wholely as one can love a person, then, the next day comes, and I find that the wave of my love has crested and their is more love in me than the day before.
And now, I face a week without her. It’s bad enough that I usually don’t have time with her much on the weekends, but to go a whole week without her…It will be torture worse than any physical torture I endured at the hands of loyalists… Much, much worse.
Of course, given my current situation, I am deeply depressed. It’s not just that though. Mae is a wonderful person, a vibrant, lively woman, who has made me feel things, ways, I didn’t know I could feel, but she has … A rather extensive sphere of influence. Some of that influence has washed off onto me. Not that this is particularly a bad thing, but it just goes to remind me every day how fragile, yet powerful our relationship is.
I don’t want to lose her, would do anything to keep her, yet I would let her walk away if she wished it…
Why the hell do I get myself into these situations? Well, no use castigating myself over it. That’ll do no good. I suppose I better sleep now. At least, when I’m asleep, I won’t think about how truly bad I feel.
I never knew love could hurt like this… I never, never knew…
